hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Say something about gay babies.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize