We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
