i wish starbucks made bloody marys
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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