how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
