Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I looked at my own cervix.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
