yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
