your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
