You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I am midnight drunk by noon
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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