gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
