i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
