like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
