I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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