I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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