If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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