Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
