my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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