I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
