I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
