He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
