Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
