Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Is it because I queefed?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I need a beard to bite.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
