do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
