true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
