I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
