I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
