ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
