I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Dicks are not precious.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
