mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
