i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I enjoy the company of your penis
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
