I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
