I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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