I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
