Just fell off a train. Bad.
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
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