just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
