Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
