I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
