I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
