I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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