i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
