the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
