i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
