dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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