life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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