The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
