coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
zippers are such a cool invention
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He's on the porch naked. Help.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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