This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize