after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
