the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
