my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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