last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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