you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
