i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
