those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize