me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
