she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the condom got lost in my hair
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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