What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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