I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
