remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
