she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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