Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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