I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
