Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
