Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
