with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
