He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize