I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
