she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Randomize
