No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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