Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
