and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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