Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
