just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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