Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
smell my finger.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
