Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize