Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Michael Bay diarrhea
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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