I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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