I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
