I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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