i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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