You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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