I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Randomize
