So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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