why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
