Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize