The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I skipped work to stalk him.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
We are all done wearing pants today
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
