We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
